Naked Relationships

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We all deserve to be loved, be in love, experience true love and learn to reciprocate love.

The best place to heal from a broken heart is in love. In many of the conversations I have had with friends, I often see two sets of people: the hopeless romantics who have more love to give, even when they have been broken by the source they were created from. These individuals are often labeled in layman terms as "yam heads," "delusional," or "clowns" because despite what they have endured or faced, they still find the ability to love from a pure place, a place refreshed by the springs of love.


This is where the scripture finds life: 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." It is in the fullness of this scripture that we understand what love truly looks like. So to the dying romantics, you aren't delusional; you have only been made perfect through the fullness of love. Recently, I asked myself, "How are you still able to love despite being wounded by it?" Not only that, I had to break myself out of the lies I used to declare: "What is love? Where was love? Love can't skate on the toll?" Yet in secret, I loved love with everything in my fiber. True love is your capacity to both receive and give love, without fearing the heart being broken once more. The simple truth is, fearing for your heart is not truly fear, but rather a human emotion. True fear is when you have completely isolated yourself from love, never allowing yourself to be loved or to be in love, which includes not even loving yourself. This is when your insecurities cloud your judgment and limit your capacity to love, even your own self.


Setting this in the moment now gives way for the next group of people, who, if you ask me, will never admit this to be true. Yes, they like love, but will never trust a man or woman with their heart because a man/woman is nothing but trouble, and no one can love them fully but themselves. This fosters what we call emotional or psychological self-sabotage. This occurs when a person's fear, insecurities, and lack of self-love lead to behaviors and thought patterns that undermine their ability to experience love and maintain healthy relationships.


1. Put it into perspective and ask yourself: Am I self-sabotaging?

2. Am I missing healthy and beautiful relationships because I once had a bad experience?

3. Why shouldn't I enjoy the brighter things in life?

4. Why do I easily get angry when a "friend or lover" experiences their love?

5. Why do I isolate and overthink when someone tries to get close?

6. What am I hiding from myself that I do not want others to see?

7. Why do I find it hard to express or allow myself to receive the love I deserve?


The scripture says in 1 John 4:20, "If a man says, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" I believe this scripture applies here. To those who say they believe in love but will never allow anyone to come too close to them, I ask: How can you love God whom you have never seen, yet hate the idea of relationships and friendships, or simply use one bad experience to judge the fullness of everything else?


Yet, there will be those who say, "We should guard our hearts." Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Does this mean to seal, bar off, or never allow anyone to enter through the doors of it? If this is all you've been doing, it means not even the God you serve has entered into the ruins of your broken heart.


What the scripture actually meant is to set a watch over your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Watch over your emotions and allow them to flow freely and in truth. The purpose of watchmen was to watch over a city, greet what was coming, and navigate the outcome. Therefore, in relationships and friendships, judgment should actually be our last resort. Rather, we watch to make sure that the emotions and feelings we feel aren't being filtered through hate, grief, pain, or brokenness, but are coming from a healing place. Even if our emotions are broken, how we express them is important. When we understand this, then when friendships and relationships come along, we can freely and truly understand the intentions and navigate them.


That is how we move from fearing love to being made perfect by it.



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